A Guide to Pokémon Go Crashes
The Non-Starter
You click the icon, you hope and pray that the servers might be up and you might have some fun. Nope. At least you get a reminder who’s responsible for your agony.
The Progress Bar
Will it or won’t it? You wait and watch that progress bar like you just pulled the handle of a slot machine. Sure is easy to stay aware of your surroundings when you aren’t playing Pokémon Go!
The Classic Taunt
This is as far as many players ever get. Squirtle, Psyduck, and Golbat are taunting you. Pikachu looks like he’s rooting for you. Magikarp shares your frustration.
The Omega Mon
You’re in! Time to catch some…wait. Something is wrong. There’s nothing here! No Pokéstops, no gyms, not a single Pokémon. You’ve entered a post-apocalyptic landscape (Poké-pocalypse?) where all you can do is wander, aimlessly. Forever alone.
The Vacant Lot
Even the landscape has forsaken you. This is truly a disturbing universe.
The Blank Stop
You’re pretty sure there was a store here yesterday. Don’t you dare spin that circle yet, or you’ll get nothing. Nothing!
The Blank Stare
Look at the way he’s staring at you. Stupid Psyduck. Is there anything you can do about it? Nope. Sorry pal, duck season ended two minutes ago.
The Fight-Stopper (AKA “Pugilius Interruptus”)
Awww yeah, you’re all ready to get your fight on. Time to take down that gym! Ready, set, go! Go? Oh no! Time to force quit. Again.
The Mid-Capture (AKA “Blue Ball”)
Yes! You’ve got that legendary in the ball, and you’re just waiting for that third wiggle to prove he’s staying in there, and… No. No! NOOOOO!!!
Luckily, most of the time when you restart the app you’ll have that Pokémon safely in your collection. Probably.
